Tell me if you heard this one:
At a casual get-together, a group of strangers share something personal about themselves. One person says, “I’m a writer,” and immediately, someone in the group responds with, “Oh, that’s so cool! I always wanted to do that, but I just never have the time.”
I can pretty much guarantee that every writer has had this interaction multiple times in their life. I am also about 95% sure that writers are the only type of creatives who experience this.
No one looks at a professional ballet dancer, singer, or artist and says, “I always wanted to do that, just never have the time.” No, they might say something like, “I always wanted to learn how to do that.” We all recognize that it takes more than just time to master those skills. It takes talent, dedication, and a gift not everyone is born with.
But we don’t do that for writing.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying this to call anyone out. I’m not at all salty about it. I do recognize that a lot of times, people say this to be inclusive, to try to relate and build rapport, and I’m all for it because, as any writer will tell you, our profession can be extremely isolating, and we always appreciate when people make an effort to tease us out of our hermit shells.
I’m more curious about the phenomenon itself.
Why is it that writing feels so easily accessible? Why do we say that everyone has a book in them? Why has self-publishing boomed so hard it literally transformed the entire industry?
How Hard Can It Be? Cavemen Did It
I think it’s because it’s coded into our DNA. Stories have been told for as long as pre-humans have communicated. It’s how we communicate. The Neanderthal scout didn’t come back to his social unit and say, “There’s game fourteen miles that way.” More likely, he told the hunters about how he waded through the thick brush and narrowly escaped death leaping over a gorge, and how water was so scarce he almost died but, when the sun rose on the third day, and he looked down into the valley, he beheld a bounty of animal roaming by the river, their flanks jiggling with fat and their fur glistening with dew.
He would have painted a picture not just to entertain (although that was, of course, part of it) but to relay the dangers he encountered along the way so that those who followed would travel safer, and to convince them that the long journey was worth the prize at the end.
We tell stories to each other every time we have a conversation. We tell our loved ones about a hard day at work. We tell our new partners stories from our childhoods. We trauma dump on our friends to lighten our own burdens and show them that it’s safe to be vulnerable around us.
We speak in stories, we think in stories, we even dream in stories—even if they don’t make sense. Everything we create tells a story in one way or another, whether it’s a piece of music, or an elaborate sculpture.
Stories are how we interpret the world around us.
There Are No NPCs
Everyone has a book in them, because everyone has a life story, and we crave the telling of them, because it’s how we build connections within our communities. I often have a hard time with this myself because I grew up around people with amazing, terrifying, and heartbreaking life stories. Even to this day, I am drawn to people who’ve lived a remarkable life, endured hardships and tragedies that carved their characters deeper than the Mariana Trench.
My own life always seems so boring in comparison.
But then, of course it does—it’s mine.
And I don’t mean that in a self-deprecating way, either. It’s another strange phenomenon that happens, where you don’t notice the gravity of events while going through them, because you’re too busy going through them. And then something else happens, and then something else after that, and it all blends together as just life. Sometimes, even people who go through awful, life-derailing trauma don’t recognize it as traumatic because it’s all they’ve ever known. It’s just normal life to them until they tell someone a “funny” story and get horrified looks in response.
In that same vein, we don’t always recognize the good times until we look back on them after the fact.
Life becomes a story in retrospect, and we don’t realize its significance until we tell it—to ourselves. Most of us don’t notice the impact we have on other people, because we’re too busy dealing with the impact other people have on us.
But believe me when I say there is no such thing as a non-player character. There does not exist a person who doesn’t have someone who cares for them, who worries about them, who is so grateful they’re around, and who would miss them if they were gone.
Zen and the Art of Telling a Story on Paper
We need to recognize that everyone has a story to tell.
We also need to recognize that telling a story and writing a book are not even remotely similar. One is innate to all humans. The other is a gift that needs nourishing, and a skill that needs a great deal of honing. And both require a massive commitment of time and effort.
Just think of an email.
Let’s say the average email is about 200 words long. How long does it take you to compose one? Include the amount of time it takes to come up with what you want to say, and the time it takes to type it out and send.
The average novel is anywhere between 70,000 and 150,000 words long. Let’s make it easy and say you want to write a 100,000-word novel. That’s 500 times longer than it takes to write an email—assuming you know exactly what you want to write, and everything flows perfectly without pause (it never does).
And that’s just the first draft.
Multiply it by 3 for several rounds of rewrites and revisions (yes, you will need those).
And that’s before edits and proofs, just to get the content of your story to publishable quality.
Now think about everything else you have going on in your life. What takes precedence? What are you willing to give up in order to tell your story on paper? Time with your friends and loved ones? Your hobbies? Your sleep and down-time? How about your job that currently pays all your bills?
And let’s say you do all that, and you get your book out there. What more are you willing to do to get that book in front of readers? Books don’t sell themselves. When you publish, you effectively become a business owner, and it’s now your responsibility to market and sell your product to the masses.
Now, imagine you’ve done all that, and half of the people who read your book hate it so much they leave scathing 1-star reviews.
Was it all worth it?
To Write Or Not To Write—That Is The Question
Everyone has a story to tell. Not everyone’s story claws at their soul to get out. The desire to write is like an itch you have to scratch, otherwise it’ll drive you insane. It’s like ghosts haunting your brain, and you know that they’ll wreak havoc on your life if you let them out. But you also know that if you don’t, they’ll eventually fade away, and that thought fills you with terror.
Writing a book, for 99% of writers, will never pay a single bill. You don’t do it because of fame and fortune, you do it because the act of putting words on paper eases something in your soul. Because it’s the thing that makes life in this world bearable. Because there are stories you need to read, but no one else is writing them.
If that’s you, congratulations! You do, in fact, have a book in you. It’s going to be a lot of hard work, and it will require a lot of sacrifices to get it out there. It may take a few months, or several years to get it published. But I promise, every step, every tear, and every sleepless night will be worth it in the end.
If what you’ve read so far filled you with dread at the prospect of sitting down at a keyboard, or if you wrinkled your nose and thought you’d rather spend the time with your kids or your besties, that’s okay, too. Life is all about figuring out what’s most important to you, and protecting that with everything you have. Not everyone has to write a book. Maybe one day your priorities will shift, and you’ll find that your story’s time has come, and then nothing will stop you from getting it out on paper. Until then, your life, as you want to live it, takes precedence. And there is not a damned thing wrong with that.
Making Friends With Writers: A How-To Guide
Writers are strange creatures but I promise you we’re more afraid of you than you are of us. When you first meet us, you might be tempted to reach for the staples of, “Where do you find inspiration?” or, “How do you find the time to write?” as a way to connect with them.
Allow me to offer some alternative conversation starters that everyone (including the writer) will enjoy discussing:
What are you currently working on? (Alternative: What’s your favorite topic to write about?)
This question clearly demonstrates genuine interest. But comes with a caveat: Make sure you really want to know. Because it may lead to a long tirade you may or may not be emotionally prepared to listen to.
Are you a pantser or a planner? What’s your writing routine?
Most writers will have something to say about this, and it’ll give you some insight into them as a person, and a starting point to forming a more personal connection with the writer. Depending on what they say, you can then branch off to other discussions, like PC vs. MAC, tea vs. coffee, what they listen to while writing (if anything) and discussions about noise machines or music. The opportunities are endless—as long as you show genuine interest.
Do you read within your genre to get inspiration, or do you branch out? (Ask for book recs)
This is an offshoot of “Where do you find inspiration?” but when targeted specifically toward books becomes less esoteric and one-sided. Once you start talking about books, it’s a two-way conversation of sharing book recommendations, so take advantage and discuss what you love, too.
Side note: Beware the author who does not read. I cannot understate what an oxymoron that is…
Are you with a publisher or self-published? What’s that like?
That follow-up question is extremely important to communicate openness and curiosity. Without it, your interest may be construed as judgmental, as there is still a great deal of stigma associated with being a self-published author. Believe me, I know. But if you’re asking about the experience of publishing, that’s a completely different thing, and most of us are pretty open to discussing it. This can also lead you into a discussion of how one can get into publishing (if that’s something you’re interested in pursuing).
If the writer tells you they’re not published yet, ask to connect with them on social media so you can follow along their journey toward publication. This is a subtle form of encouragement that communicates faith in their abilities and support along the way, even if it is just the moral kind. It can be invaluable.
What are your thoughts on *insert industry tidbit*?
This again, communicates interest that goes deeper than the surface level. I would categorize this as an advanced topic, and you should only engage in it if you have some familiarity with your industry tidbit of choice. But if you do open this particular can of worms, you will get an excellent first-hand account of things you might not know are happening behind the scenes. You can ask about things like the rise of AI within the industry, or Amazon’s monopoly on the market, self-publishing vs. traditional publishing, BookTok or famous author drama of the day, recent lawsuits and/or settlements, etc.
Where can I find your books?
We all love getting this question. It’s self-explanatory. Ask this as a way to signal an end to the discussion, or a way to literally find the author’s books so you can read them. In either case, make an effort to follow their instructions while they’re there. Look them up online, connect with them on social media, or check out their book blurb. Making “ooh” and “aah” noises over their book covers is always appreciated, too. And if you’re not ready to walk away yet, you can always use this to segue into another topic, like cover art (or book art in general), etc.
For Writers: Ask me anything.
Let’s face it, whether you’re just starting out, or have been at this for decades, you will still find yourself on the receiving end of the dreaded, “Where do you find inspiration for your books?” And I want to tell you that this is the perfect opportunity to turn the tables without losing your ever-loving mind. Rather than vomit out your usual, boiler-plate response, I want you to say this: “Ask me literally anything else,” and see what happens. If you say it with a wry smile or chuckle, it will communicate to the other person that there is no good/simple answer to their question, and challenge them to come up with something else, dig a little deeper. They might get flustered and shut you down, and that’s fine. It just tells you they weren’t really interested in the first place, and we don’t need people like that in our lives. But they might surprise you with a question that actually makes you think about what you do in a different way. I think it’s worth a try.
Practical Magic is Still Magic: A Modern-Day Paradox
All this to say that we have idealized and mysticized (yes, I know that’s not a word) writing to the point of segregating the writer from their humanity. Yet, at the same time, the evolution of social media alongside the rise of self-publishing have made writers and books so relatable and accessible we stopped seeing the magic in them.
Our consumerist world has trained us to expect instant gratification, forcing creators to produce more faster, else become irrelevant. We make it look so easy that the hardship behind it gets lost in the sauce.
Writers are wizards. We weave magic spells with words. We change society with the stories we tell. We remind people of our collective past, warn them about dire futures, and bring them experiences they never would have had otherwise.
But we are still human. And our craft deserves to be known not just for the beauty it creates, but the struggle and sacrifice that goes into creating it.
Hug a writer in your life today. Show them your support and appreciation by offering encouragement when they feel down or drained. Buy them a coffee and let them talk themselves out of writer’s block (because that happens). Tell people you know about your friend’s new book.
And, perhaps most importantly, don’t expect a friends and loved ones discount. Buy their book.
You may be the only one who does.
Until next time!