Happy Hallowwwwhat The Hell…?!

Hello and welcome! You have found my Halloween Blog Hop post. If you’d like to read the entire tour from the start, click here. There are some great prizes being given away this time around, so don’t be shy, check out the ghouls, the vamps, the weres, and overall Halloween craziness. And now, without further ado, here is my contribution to the fun:

Happy Hallowwwwhat The Hell…?!

Every year the pack put together a Halloween Haunted House party. It was Zach’s turn to host but he and Breelia were called in for an intervention when Joe decided to put bright orange dye in Mia’s hair conditioner bottle. She was not amused.

Busy keeping the bloodshed to a minimum, Zach drafted Stan and Dan into décor duty. They were unemployed and dangerous when bored so…two birds, one stone. The twins would decorate Zach’s house and at sunset the pack would gather. Zach made a mental note to draft them for clean-up duty, too.

“Mia, put the damn scissors down,” Bree growled for the tenth time.

Hunny tugged sharply at Mia’s hair. “Do it,” she said. “Or I’m getting my brother’s razor.”

Snarling in Joe’s general direction, Mia let the scissors drop and grinded her teeth while Hunny worked on her hair. They’d brought the two of them here for neutral territory. Also because Hunny could work miracles with hair and they were in sore need of one.

“I warned you not to touch the timer,” Joe said, his tone dangerously even. “I paid two hundred bucks to see that boxing match.”

Bree intercepted Mia as she shot out of the chair, dripping hair dye all over the floor, while Zach took hold of Joe. “Let’s go get some air, buddy. Nice night out there. Great for having a long talk about messing with your mate’s beauty routine.”

“A championship match, Zach!”

“Let go of me!” Mia yelled. “I’ll skin that bastard alive!”

“That is it!” Hunny grabbed a handful of Mia’s hair and dragged her kicking and screaming into the kitchen. “I have just about had it with you two. Bree, get me those scissors.”

“No! Not the scissors! Not the scissors!

The door closed on some very impressive slasher movie sound effects going on inside and Zach shoved Joe down the porch onto the lawn. “The hell is wrong with you?”


“I don’t care!” Zach snapped. “It’s Mia’s house, Mia’s TV. If she wants to watch something other than two pumped up idiots beating on each other, then that’s what she’s gonna do. Why the hell didn’t you just record it at your place?” Mated they might be, but the dynamics in Mia and Joe’s relationship weren’t something Zach wanted to analyze. So he never asked why neither of them was marked, or why they still had two houses, even though Joe had practically moved into Mia’s, or why they spent a good amount of time at each other’s throats. They seemed to only have two speeds. Full throttle sex, or full throttle I’m-gonna-rip-your-throat-out.

Joe rubbed the back of his head. “Mia’s TV is HD.”

Don’t mangle the idiot. Zach took a deep breath. “I’m going to go change into my costume and make sure those three aren’t plotting your inevitable castration. I suggest you take a long walk and think about your priorities.”

It took three hours to dye, deep condition, style, and put a Moon blessing against Joe on Mia’s hair. Just about long enough for both of them to cool off and while they made up-slash-out on the front porch, Bree and Hunny finally had a minute to get into their own costumes.

Hunny went for creepy. She put in milky white contacts and dressed in a corset painted to look like there was a hole through her body to her spine. She paired it with a black gypsy skirt and a top hat. With her fangs out, she looked like a vampire wannabe’s worst nightmare.

But Bree… damn. She grinned and twirled to show off. That woman wore leather like no one else. Literally. Not many women Zach knew could pull off a hooded leather elf-ranger dress. Coupled with knee-high riding boots and archery gloves, she looked ready to track down hellhounds. “You like?”

He started grinning, then remembering he’d given her access to his bank account three months ago he asked, “How much?”

Bree scowled at him. “Worth every last penny. Understood?”

“Yes, ma’am, I do. So how much?”

She shook her head and stalked out grumbling about tight fisted, unimaginative dweebs. Hunny’s mate, Adam, was picking them up in a Hummer limo. He’d dressed ghoulish to match her and wore a noose around his neck in place of a tie. “Ghould eeeeevening,” he droned as he opened the door for the females.

Black angel Mia and her appropriately attired devil mate went in first. Hunny and Bree climbed in after them, but when it came to Zach, Adam stopped him. “A disguise is required for ennntry,” he said.

Zach looked down at his too short pants, geek shirt, suspenders and pocket protector, then back at Adam.

Adam grinned, showing off blackened teeth and gums.

“You’re an asshole,” Zach muttered.

They were the first to arrive at the turnoff, but three more cars were already behind them, wolves howling out of the windows. Adam took it slow down the dirt road. With the sun almost completely set and no street lamps, it was a treacherous drive.

“Zach,” Bree said and his ear twitched at the apprehension in her voice.

The house was lit up but the drapes were drawn so they couldn’t see inside. What they did see, however was an excessive amount of spider webs hanging from the roof, the window frames, basically covering the place. Zach’s jaw set.

As the cars parked one after the other, their company braved the path up to the open front door. Even from a distance he could see more cobwebs inside and something that his brain refused to process right away. As Bree took his hand and clutched it hard, he was forced to accept that he wasn’t high on ‘shrooms. His house really was pained floor to ceiling pink. Bright pink, peptobismol pink, neon pink, disgusting antiqued quilt pink, pink, pink, pink. “We’ll get through this together,” he told her.

Zach stepped up to the welcome mat and felt some sort of mechanism depress beneath his foot. All of a sudden the porch flooded with light and a giant spider jumped out of the shadows with a hiss as dozens and dozens smaller ones dropped from the ceiling on elastic strings.

That was when morbidly arachnophobic Bree screamed bloody murder and ran for her life, blatantly abandoning him to his fate. Not that he blamed her. Not with Joe going on the offensive against momma spider in defense of his mate and Mia dropping to the floor like someone threw a grenade. And while Hunny rolled on the floor, laughing her ass off, Zach stood frozen on the damn welcome mat, for fear he would rip the twins apart with his bare hands if he moved.

Stan and Dan sauntered out, arms around each other, proud smirks on their faces. “Told ya, brother,” Stan said.

“That you did, brother,” Dan replied.

“Remove,” Zach growled. “Now.”

“Dude, we put hours into this. Na-uh, it stays, buddy.”

Zach looked them up and down, the two idiots in zombie make up and fur speedos, and said, “Your costumes. Dead werewolves?”

They grinned and answered in unison. “Yep!”

“You will be when Bree gets back,” Hunny said.

They looked at her blankly.

“Spiders? In Bree’s house?”

Stan and Dan gulped.

“Oh, you boys better start moving.”

Zach had never seen a pair of wolves scramble so fast to take down a bunch of plastic spiders.

Even so, it was past midnight by the time they convinced Mia to put the home made flame thrower away and the twins removed their “decorations,” which infested every room, closet, and nook in the house. Bree still hadn’t shown and Zach was half worried she’d skipped town. Or forest, as the case might be.

He was just about to go after her when he heard a desperate, “Count ’em again!” Frowning, he veered right to where the morons sat counting spiders. They looked like they were about to start crying.

“What’s going on?”

Stan jumped as if a serial killer had goosed him. He held up a bunch of spiders in shaking hands. “There’s one missing,” he said.

“Find it,” he said. He had plans for his mate tonight and none of them would work if she refused to step foot into this house. “And you will be reporting tomorrow bright and early to repaint the walls back the way they should be. Got it?”

“Yes, yes. We’ll fix it. Promise!”

Zach nodded and returned to his quest for his wayward mate. He was just stepping off the porch, when she appeared, a baseball bat resting on her shoulder. Blank faced, she marched up to the house, eyes watching the shadows for movement.

“Uh, hi,” he said.

“Hi,” she growled back.

“The spiders are gone.”

“They better be.”

“They were plastic, you know. Bat’s not gonna do much good.”

“Yeah, but the twins aren’t. Bat’s gonna be just fine for them.”

And that was when the screaming started in earnest.


53 thoughts on “Happy Hallowwwwhat The Hell…?!

  1. Bethanne

    Fun. A good sense of family.
    I don’t think people really like spiders… do you?? My daughter freaks. I don’t freak, but I’m not saying I like them, either. 😀

    • Alianne

      It depends on the spider LOL If it’s standing still and far away, I can handle it. But those things can really MOVE! And the thing is they usually come straight at me so whenever I see one, I tend to scream like a little girl and get someone else to dispatch it for me. Sad, but true lol Thank you for stopping by =) Glad you liked the story.

    • Alianne

      Thank you, Gail! Yes, there are more short stories =) Click on the “Wacky Weres” Category and you’ll find them =D Thank you for reading! So glad you liked the story.

  2. Marie H

    Fantastic story! So much fun! 🙂 And… I don’t ever want to get cozy with spiders, but they don’t really bother me too much 🙂 Thank you for sharing and for participating in this awesome hop! 🙂

    songbird1613 at yahoo dot com

  3. Stacy Wilson

    I HATE spiders, too!! Living in GA, I see my share of real ones that give me the heebie geebies. *shivers* Even so, I want to know what Bree did to the twins!!!

    Stacy Wilson

    dragn_lady at yahoo dot com

    • Alianne

      LOL Stacy. I’m sure there was a lot of chasing involved. Maybe some biting. Needless to say, they will not ever bring another eight legged creature into her house. Ever. XD Thank you for reading!

  4. CatFier

    Thank god it wasn’t snakes!! I don’t mind spiders (unless they are black widows or brown recluses) but snakes….that’s a whole nother story! I hate snakesssssss.

  5. April

    Having an awesome time checking out new authors and old favorites in the Alpha Male and Bewitching Blog Hops!

    My to read list keeps getting longer!

    grapeapril75 at gmail dot com

    • Alianne

      Hi April, I’m so glad you’re having fun! I know my list grows longer each time, too LOL But there are some amazing authors on this hop and definitely worth checking out 😉 Thanks for participating!

  6. Rae M.

    I’m with her. Any kind of spider, plastic or not is SO NOT okay. I’d be the same way. Freaking out!

    Thanks for sharing the story!

  7. tanna4abak

    Enjoyed the story. I HATE SPIDERS! I don’t freak, but I will kill one as soon as I see it. Thanks for being part of the hop and for the chance to win. Happy Halloween!

  8. Jessica B

    so funny, from the dying hair orange to the spiders (which I hate and would have been out of there in no time). Great story. Thanks for being a part of the hop. I hope that you have a great weekend!
    jessangil at gmail dot com

  9. Lona Stringer

    Great story, I do not like spiders at all, but I wont kill them either. It drives my husband nuts because I make him catch them and put them outside, lol. Thx for the hop stop.

    blinkysthebest at aol dot com

    • Alianne

      Aw man lol that’s so nice of you. =) My parents always said spiders were good luck and to put them outside. Yeah I never believed them. As long as it moved it was not safe. Thanks for stopping by!

  10. June M.

    Loved the story. I hate spiders too…they are just creepy. I am one of those that WILL kill them! No sense giving them a second chance.
    manning_J2004 at yahoo dot com

  11. donnablhmistress

    I love pink but not sure if I would want my house pink LOL, as for spiders I had to not be scared of them because when I lived with my roommates they were all scared so it was up to me to take care of them … I don’t care for them though. Now if they were snakes I would have been out the door faster than you can say boo.


    Dawna Newman

    • Alianne

      Snakes don’t bother me as much. Although if it was a poisonous one I would be gone like a shot too. But there are far more spiders in the world than snakes which trumps that fear lol Thanks for reading, Dawn! =)

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