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This time around, the handy dandy scene generator told us what to write. My “assignment” was: Author, serial murderer and bodyguard at a police station. Oh, boy did I have fun with this one! Read on for another episode of Weres Gone Respectable (Or Attempted To, Anyway…)
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wndr frm dwn undr @ fair 2day… he’s a killr!
“Let me tell you a story.”
“Oh! Is it a love story?”
“She wasn’t talking to you. She’s talking to me. Butt out.”
“How do you know? She’s not even looking at you.”
There was a scuffle and the police officer on duty shoved to his feet, hand on the taser at his waist. Mia shook her head, subtly waving him back. “So this story,” she said loudly so the two idiots would hear. “It’s very good, if I do say so myself.” She shifted in her seat and made herself comfortable. “It’s a parody.”
“I love parodies.”
“Shut your mouth,” Joe growled. Actually growled. “Mia, get me the hell out of here.”
She considered that. “No… No, I don’t think I will.” Not yet, anyway.
“Aw, come on! You can’t leave me in here with… what are you, anyway?”
“Mink,” came the distinct answer. “You know, you’re kind of cute, for a wolf.”
There were more soft sounds and then Joe’s back slammed against the bars. “Mia, get me out this second!” He whined. “I think he wants to brush my hair.”
“I promise you’ll like it,” the mink purred.
As fun as this was, Mia didn’t have the patience for it. “Both of you shut up! I was talking.”
“Go ahead, honey.”
“Thank you, Mink. Now, where was I? Oh, yes. Once upon a time, there was a smart, beautiful, talented young woman whose boyfriend was an idiot.”
“How many times will you make me say it? I said I’m sorry.”
She ignored him. “One day, the happy couple went their separate ways for a few hours. The woman was meeting her friends in town for a Summer Solstice celebration and the idiot was supposed to be preparing for his big boys bonfire night. But just before the charming lady left the house, her phone got a text message she never received. Do you know why?”
“Yes,” Joe growled.
“I can guess,” the mink said and giggled.
“What are you in here for, anyway?” Joe asked him.
Mia heard the shrug in the mink’s voice when he answered. “You know those guys that have been disappearing?”
“The ones they found in a ditch outside of town?”
Joe sucked in a breath. “Mia,” he whispered, “help!!”
“She didn’t get the message because her idiot boyfriend intercepted it. Didn’t tell his girlfriend, mind you, which could have spared him a lot of pain late on, but what can ya do?” By gods, ancestors, and hunky Hollywood immortals, he would sit there and listen to this. “So instead of communicating, like a good boyfriend should, he took a perfectly innocent text completely out of context, ditched his buddies and decided to go on a quest, stalking his girlfriend.”
“Damn it, guard! You can’t do this? What the hell? You just put a serial killer in a cell at County? And lock him up with another potential victim?”
“Sir,” the police officer said, coming forward. “I need you to settle down.”
“Oh, leave him,” the mink said. “He’s so cute when he’s all ruffled.”
Mia suppressed a snort. “So the woman’s day was going great. She had fun with her friends, had a delicious lunch, and then they all went to the town fair to meet a visitor–which the woman hadn’t expected because she never got the text message, but she gamely went along with it. At first meeting, the visitor looked really familiar to her, but she couldn’t place him. And then it clicked. The hunky, smexily-accented, familiar stranger turned out to be her aunt’s favorite cousin, Mitch. And no wonder she hadn’t recognized him, she hadn’t seen him since they were ten! When the woman realized this, she smiled and opened her arms to greet her relative, only to have her idiot boyfriend tackle the guy and start beating on him.”
“I thought I was protecting you!”
She finally swiveled her chair around to face the holding cell. “Yes, fearless bodyguard, people die from hugs every day. I owe you my life.”
The mink snorted and inspected his nails.
Joe shot him a nervous look over his shoulder and then looked back at Mia as if she was a lifeline. “Mia, babe,” he said, dropping to his knees, “I am so sorry I broke your cousin’s head. I was wrong. But the last time I went out with a stranger, it ended with a lot of duct tape and a wooden stake. Yeah, I made a mistake, but I thought I was doing the male thing, you know, protecting my female. I promise you I will make it up to you. Just please, please, baby. Get me out of here!”
Mia sighed. She looked at the police officer, whose lip was twitching suspiciously, but he offered no help with this decision. When she looked at the mink, he grinned and winked. “If you don’t want ‘em, I’ll take ‘em.”
That elicited another whiny noise from Joe. He was pressing his face between the bars as if he could squeeze himself through to get out.
All right, yeah, he was an idiot. But his heart was in the right place. And if she left him in jail she’d have no one to dance with at the bonfire tonight. Not to mention unclog the drain in the guest bathroom tomorrow. And he took a pretty serious beating from Mitch, too. The only reason he was here and Mitch was in the ER waiting room was because Mitch happened to lose consciousness for a minute and Joe started it. They’d both be back to normal in a couple of hours, tops. But as pack enforcer, Mia was the one who had to deal with this crap.
“You’re on probation until further notice,” she told Joe. “You don’t scratch your nose unless I say it’s okay. Got it?”
“Yes. Yes! Thank you.” He got to his feet and rattled the bars to get the police man’s attention. “Out, please!”
As soon as the cell was open, Joe raced out like a shot. Mia just shook her head. Then she cast the mink a curious glance. “Did you really kill all those men?”
The mink’s arched eyebrows shot up. “Are you kidding? Hell no! Didn’t you see their pictures? Hawt!” He shook his head sadly. “Damn waste is what it is. Nuh-uh, girlfriend. I didn’t touch ‘em.”
“So then what are you in here for?” Sometimes shifter territories overlapped. She might be able to help him out.
“Streaking,” the police officer said. “He staged a nude rally search party for the missing victims.”
“We’re shifters!” the mink protested. ”Most of the attendants came in their animal forms. What were we supposed to do? Tie fig leaves together so the human prudes won’t get offended?” He shook his head in disgust. “Typical human crap. Can’t even stand the sight of their own bodies. There’s nothing wrong with them, you know!”
“…Right,” the police officer continued dryly. “The rally took place without permits and employed fog horns and boom boxes in close proximity to a residential area.” Which was cop-speak for, They were loud, obnoxious and naked around kids.
The mink flipped him off.
“Neighbors called us in when they started… bending over.”
For this, the mink seemed to have no response.
She raised an eyebrow at him.
He shrugged. “We were being thorough.”